Just because it's Christmas (and at Christmas you tell the truth)

It's not like you'll read this, probably you won't, but this is the only way I can get it off my chest.

I wanted to make you happy and I failed. I just couldn't see what the problem was and get it right before it was too late. Every day when I remember I no longer have the person who made me happier than I ever could deserve, I regret everything I did that made you go away and stop liking me. I didn't want us to end, breaking up was the most painful thing I've ever done and I've been suffering since then. But it also was too painful being with you and knowing you weren't happy or satisfied. I miss you so much, especially your company. I only could speak with you about a lot of things, because you were the one I trusted. I have to fight with myself every day trying to forget you and not bother you. It's hard to smile, it will take a while to find happiness or just stop crying every day. It breaks me apart not knowing how you are, or what you think about everything, and how I'm supposed to act near you. I'm never sure if you want me far or close, or if you just don't care about me anymore. Even though I know you won't come back, part of me wishes and has hope you'll maybe want me again. I hope one day we can be friends, I don't want to lose you in that way too. You're still one of the best people I've ever known, and I'm here for you whenever you need. I hope one day you can count on me and maybe let me be part of your life.Whatever happens, I just want you to notice yourself. You're a great person, and I admire you so much. You're so beautiful, inside and out, I wish you could see that too. Doesn't matter what you believe in, just believe in yourself, because I do. Somehow I'm sure you'll have the future you wish, so don't give up on things you want, please. I'm so sorry for everything I put you thru, for everything I did wrong and everything I couldn't do to make you stay.
As a friend, as a wonderful person, I love you just the way you are. Merry Christmas.